My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
