we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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