Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
