bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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