Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
either way he was missing a nipple.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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