you turned your livingroom into a bong?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
