i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
