K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize