dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
