did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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