he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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