Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
