I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
