so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
