I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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