I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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