Just cropdusted the office
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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