If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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