Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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