I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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