I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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