before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
