No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
