You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
