im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
