An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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