It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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