I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
