Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
