when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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