I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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