you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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