i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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