I showed him my bush... on skype.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
