This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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