i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
