Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
