ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
