Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
