Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
