It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
