Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
