the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
