Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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