I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
