D3 body, D1 cock
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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