I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
