So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
