i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
