My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
