guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
