i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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