Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
