The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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