I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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