I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
