i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
