maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
