Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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