ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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