Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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