she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
