is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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