I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
