I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
