We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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