is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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