after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
