Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
