I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
