Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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