my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
