Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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