They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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