I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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