She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
