Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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