I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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