so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
