They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
